the world has turned and left me here

These are the assholes I notice whenever I'm on a bike. On the other hand, being in a car in a city with a fair amount of bike traffic, I notice the assholes on bikes who treat all conventions (let alone laws) of traffic behavior as basically inapplicable to their situation, thus running them a fair chance of getting killed if even one of thousands of half-awake drivers in 2-ton monstrosities happens to slip up a little bit.

On the gripping hand, I tend to see the much higher permeability of the road/sidewalk/etc network when you're on a bike as one of the primary benefits to riding, so maybe I should shut up.

the best you can do to avoid being killed on a bike is to be very visible and very predictable. still, following bike traffic laws to a tee doesn't exactly make me feel warm and safe either. there's just not really a place for cyclists here. whereas in munich there was usually a nice doublewide sidewalk with a bike lane, here you get ticketed for riding on the sidewalk and generally abused by car traffic for riding in the road. i regularly get honked at for no reason on roads i have every right to be on. it's no small wonder that cyclists turn assholes, there's not a whole lot to be happy about.

this more less explains why, yesterday, i decided to ride the centerline up the hill, at night, between two lanes of heavy traffic. i actually passed most of their sorry fat asses.

i am rapidly becoming the asshole cyclist you refer to. :)

Neal Stephenson's Zodiac, a novel which consists almost entirely of digressions, has a digression on being an asshole cyclist in traffic. His (or at least his viewpoint character's) thesis is that if the bastards see you coming, it only helps them aim. This and the forcing your way through a busted traffic light intersection on a bike scene are worth the read by themselves, although the bits about dumping sacks of quick-dry cement in toxic industrial outflows and so forth were also highly entertaining. Briefly made me want to be a militant environmental activist with a solid hard science background.

but it's all worth it when i'm chugging up a cobblestone seattle-grade hill and a mother turns to her kid and says, "honey, look at the cyclist." snot spews from my nose; i arrive at the top in a dogslobberwhirlwind. "that'll be 2.50 for the show," i say to her through my spit, but they're shrinking back from the curb...the ugliness of exertion up close frightened them...

on a sticker outside my apt: "support the war on tourism..."

I also hate these assholes. There's a constant state of war on the road. I've been spit at, had fountain drinks thrown at me, and almost hit numerous times. Anymore I don't give the assholes the pleasure of the finger. I just go little things to piss them off. If it's a busy road with no shoulder and somebody honks at me from behind (usually going up a hill) I'll move out at least 4 feet from the white line. It's a little risky but you totally have them, because now you're taken 20 seconds of their precious life. When they yell and hammer the accelerator, I smile and sometimes wave. Sometimes I'll flip off a Lincoln or Lexus just because I know it will totally offend them.

Sometimes I'm in the mood to race cars at stop lights. The trick it the shift into your starting gear before you stop. I usually pick higher gear, but not too high. I try to have a high cadence halfway through the intersection. A lot of times I'll do a track stand and stay clipped into my pedals. I watch the the cross walk lights to prepare for the green lights, usually jump the gun and hair. When the light turns, I just subtly hammer. The cars are usually caught off guard that you're beating them. So then they floor it. I usually fend them off for half a block. You're basically tricking them into flooring it. I think that they realize they just totally lost control and there is no satifaction from beating a bicycle.

Thermo, you my friend are ready for a critical mass ride...wear you BeeGee's shirt and bring an air horn.