Oh to discover all the varied forms of ugliness inside girls! Perhaps they equal the ugliness inside of guys in severity, which I never in my wildest dreams thought possible. Mine was a Portrait of an Artist adolescence wherein I realized the shameful ugly desire that is being male but believed in the angelic other sex. Well I was wrong, my own fault of course for not believing in the essential symmetry of things (if nothing else). Just as ugly is the desire to be desired, and without reciprocation.
I once ranted about the economics of relationships. Now I am ranting about the lack of economics in relationships. Go figure. I am saying that it is even uglier when there is value exchanged for nothing--a guy who gets with a girl and then leaves when he should be repaying it with security & affection, or a girl who keeps guys hanging on her just for the affection & security. If there must be an ugly exchange of one for the other then so be it, that's better than getting something for free, the ultimate sin and impossibility.
Here I sit, ranting, hoping for the someday equal and hopefully not also ugly exchange, which I do not as yet know exists.
Posted by Alan at July 15, 2003 11:28 PM